Chapter 5 – Going to California

In September, we saw Iggy Pop and the Stooges oddly perform an orchestrated meltdown at the Whisky. Back then, they weren’t the big deal we know them as now and some of his antics were a bit outrageous. The celebration of return only lasted a short while. That same month, Gram Parsons passed away. Coincidently, the following day, so did Jim Croce. To Jenny, it was a bad sign and really got her down. Gram’s death meant another inductee into her legion of deceased legends. Croce’s death shadowed Parson’s, which was insult to injury for Jenny. In mourning, she spent an entire night in a candle-lit room, sipping on wine, and playing Gram’s albums. I continued the same ritual when Keith Moon, John Bonham, John Lennon, Rick Nelson, and Dennis Wilson died.

We had been in L.A. a few months for our second and extended stay. Though we had passed another initiation back into the West, we still didn’t feel like residents. Help came from Nathan, the son of my dad’s friend who was living in a small apartment within miles of his college. We moved in and essentially helped him make the monthly payments. Thankfully, my dad put up a fair amount up front. Nathan really wasn’t around much. He was a brain kid, going to Cal Tech. I’m sure he made phenomenal grades, but we knew for a fact he partied like crazy with his college buds. He mostly took residence with his friends on campus, leaving the place to ourselves.

“Do you think Nathan has built a robot-woman for himself? You know, in a big, secret laboratory.”

“Jenny, I doubt Cal Tech spends grant money on such ventures.”

On the bright side, being alone in the apartment allowed us the romantic freedom people our age so desperately desired. All of the fun we began at the motels was now common occurrence. It also was in nicer surroundings.

Much to our dismay, Jenny did not do so well at the community college; I too had my moments of giving up. I missed playing football and even if I had gone to a school with a team, I doubt I would have been good enough. Nothing like being a freshman all over again. It’s a more intense level once you’re in college. The forecasted fun never came to fruition and everything seemed harder: school, side jobs here and there, and the distance away from home. Neither of us was able to explore our new environment much, given that we tried to study and work the best we could.

Mae was using pension money from her husband’s death to pay for Jenny’s school. Even though the two females didn’t get along, Jenny felt she was a financial burden on her mother. “Eric, I don’t know what I should do. I know she’s struggling. Maybe I should just drop out.” I recommended applying for student loans or just seeing how things work out. Once you leave school, it’s not easy going back.

All of our troubles began weighing on us. Even the world’s problems were affecting us, like the gas shortage. By Christmas, the semester was over. We’d plan to come back home and be with family; however, my dad made one request: I needed to bring my stuff back home. It didn’t take a Nathan to figure out what that meant. The atmosphere back at home was tense. My grades were a disappointment, everyone was tired and strained, and it had only taken ‘til the winter time for me to be wedged out of the family.

“Eric, we made an agreement. If this wasn’t working out by semester’s end, you were coming back home. I don’t think I have to tell you where I’m going with this.”

Arguing the point wasn’t going to get anywhere. My mom wore a wicked smile as Dad informed me I was already enrolled at State and I was free to live at home while I went to school. Mom, still in character, “It’s getting late. Please take Jennifer home.” I walked out the door with her, and for the first time in my life, depression cleaved into my heart. I felt the horrible wrenching pain she already knew so well. Neither of us had ever cried so hard before. There were no words, just an H-bomb of emotion exploding in the confines of the Camaro. A beginning was now fading into an ending. Every nerve writhed and shook. Through the tears, I attempted to drive us to the baseball field where we could talk. Still, no words came out.

Back at home, it was a lynch mob. Now alone, two against one, my parents set me up. Mom, with arms crossed and in a new character guise, “What took you so long?”

            Entering one trauma to the next, I replied, “She and I needed to talk.”

“Eric, your mother asked you to take her home. Why are you back over an hour later?”

“I already told you!” I had gone from being in total disrepair to total defense. I felt that desperate charge I get when I enter the field at the second half and we’re down on points.

“Don’t talk back to me that way, young man! Your mother and I have tolerated a lot of crap from you. I gave you one chance to be with that girl and it was obvious you couldn’t handle it. Besides, I don’t want some whore associating herself with my boy.” He not only refused to say her name, but to acknowledge her as a human being with dignity.

Heart thumping hard, like my Chevy’s roar, revving the engine, ready to slam it in gear and tear off, “What the fuck did you just say?”

“Watch your filthy mouth!” His eyes squinted, his teeth grinded back on themselves. “Don’t you ever talk to me like that tough guy or I’ll belt you one!”

Nothing got better. The moment was made blatantly aware to me how honestly they felt about Jenny. Every conversation ended in a wreck. Christmas was a non-event at my house. Jenny was not invited over. She and I only got together because we snuck out and met when we could for those two weeks. It was like being back in high school all over again…at the dark end of the street.

I now understood why so many people consider suicide around this time of year. I had gone my whole life living the typical Leave It to Beaver farce. Once a piece of reality intercepted the fragile existence, the true colors came through. Mom and Dad made it clear that they didn’t want me seeing Jenny and had already spoken to her mom about it. Shortly after New Year’s, I was to report to State’s office of registrar, obtain my courses, and go on about my life like nothing happened while Jenny got smaller in the rearview. Like Sam, my fate was sealed.

On New Year’s Eve, my parents went to a company party. Strangely enough, they stayed out quite late, which was not like them. Taking full advantage, I snuck Jenny over while the cats were away.

“I don’t want to get you in trouble for having me here.” Her voice hesitated on almost each word, with guilt and grief masked upon her face.

Sigh, “I don’t care anymore. We’re already in trouble. There’s nothing else that can be done.”

I began to think of the last time she was up here with me. How we had all this positive energy going for us, everything seemed to be going our way. Then we were virgins of travel and adventure. I broke the vision when her arm mashed my pillow, “Why is your family doing this?”

“I assume to prove a point.”

“What’s going to happen to us?”

“I don’t know. Right now, I really don’t know.”

Jenny smothered her face down into my crumpled pillow, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I got you in all this trouble. All I’ve done is ruin your life.”

“Jenny, you didn’t do anything wrong. We’ve got to work around this and figure something out.”

“My mom said I could keep going to school in L.A. I do have to get better grades, but…” Crying again, “Why do they hate me?”

I didn’t address the question, “Perhaps if we do well after this semester, they’ll change their minds?”

After forcing out empty words, her eyes finally lined up with mine, “Eric, I love you very much but I am going back to California. I will never come back here again. Do you understand?” Her green emeralds drowning in tears, “If you ever want to see me, you’re going to have to come out West to do it. My life here is over.”

“Jenny, I can’t do that right now. I’m signed up for State. My parents…”

“Fuck your parents!” She lunged from the bed and made her way out. I quickly grabbed her at the doorway.

“Where are you going?”

“Leaving.”

“Why?”

            “Because this is bullshit. Who matters most to you Eric: me or them?”

“You’re making me choose?” I let go of her. Deep inside, the answer was obviously her.

“What’s it going to be?” Her arms folded, leaning against the frame of my door.

“I love you. You know that. Don’t be stupid.”

Giving me a vile glare, “Stupid? I’m not now, but maybe I have been.”

She stormed out of the house, not looking back. To save more misery for herself, forgetting all of this was the easiest approach. As much as she hated her father, it was a huge gash to her life. It changed the entire household and the relationship with her mom. Now, she was losing another man in her life, the only man left.

My parents represented a life Jenny would never have. They helped me along the way, supported me, and instilled confidence. Jenny was always alone. There were no pats on the back for a good job. No sweet words for the sweet princess. Life had treated her that way. She never had the sense to fight, she just ran. I wanted to fight this with my parents but I also wanted to make it right. More than anything, I wanted them to accept her and us together.

If it was going to happen, it wasn’t now. My parents would come back loaded from the party and my frustration grew. I too was beginning to resent them. There were no idols on my wall to cry to or hear on the record player. Now it was I who was alone.

“For all the moments I miss what’s lost

I know where I am now;

For all the times they never inquired

I know where they are now.”